I never sit on the front row; it always seems a bit presumptuous, if you know what I mean. And, I must admit, I prefer cremations to burials. It's warmer, somehow; it always seems cold and windy in the cemetery, and being a bit short, I can never see things properly from the back, at the graveside. I haven't found a warm church yet - or a comfortable pew! I try to get to at least two ceremonies in a week - it breaks the week up for me, you see. If I can get there early I also get the chance to see who will be here in the next few days from the lists on the notice boards. But I don't take advantage you understand, that wouldn't be right - I just walk around afterwards to see the flowers. It's amazing what floral displays you can get, even at short notice - and such wonderful colours and smells. Of course, I don't just stick to one venue either, having my bus pass means that I can travel quite a way.

Sometimes, I get invited back to the wake; I just introduce myself as Iris - I suppose they think I'm from a distant part of the family, or a friend from somewhere or other. When that happens it can be difficult to get home, but I usually get offered a lift - people seem to be more generous after a funeral, don't you think? I suppose it's gratitude at still being alive. Mind you, I travelled once in one of the funeral cars - oh, such luxury - I think that they were short of mourners; apparently the family didn't get on. I sometimes wonder what the deceased would say if he, or she, were here - which is a little silly, don't you think? Mortality, eh? It's a funny old thing.

I always go alone. But then, I've been to some funerals where there's only two or three mourners; .. and the deceased of course - couldn't do without them.
Some of my friends wonder why I go to funerals and not to weddings. I try to explain that at funerals families don't fight half as much as at weddings - in fact, if you look around at some of the groups at a wedding reception, that atmosphere sometimes seems funereal.
Another thing I've noticed about funerals is that the atmosphere is different depending upon the sex of the deceased - I nearly said gender but that's not me, it really isn't. If it is a female, an old aunt or granny, or even, a mum, who has passed away, the overall feeling is one of sadness. The wake takes place in hushed tones with tea and biscuits; whereas, if the deceased is male, the tone is one of 'hail fellow well met'; the wake is well afloat on beer and boisterous stories of that gentlemen's past escapades. That's another thing that differs from a wedding celebration - no mother-in-law!

Mind you, a funeral is also a time to show of the flamboyance of the family - as long as it doesn't eat too deeply into the inheritance, of course. In some cases relatives will compete with each other on providing the biggest and most inventive of floral tributes.
In my day, the only clothes worn to a funeral were black and somber. Now, sadly, it is acceptable to wear anything of any colour no matter how ridiculous, garish or ghastly; all in accordance, we are told, with the deceased, or the partner's or friends' wishes. I must admit it's not my thing, in fact it makes me shudder sometimes to see the fancy dress and the antics that masquerade as 'mourning' nowadays. I don't understand young people, I really don't. I always attend in my plain black coat and mum's old hat - she wore that to dozens of funerals in her time.

One other thing I enjoy about my little trips are the poems and the music. All lovely and meaningful. I like to keep a copy of every order of service as my own small act of remembrance - I have gathered a very respectable library. You could say that I'm just one more person whose actions keep the memory of the dearly departed alive. I always feel that I play a part in the lives of everyone attending, including the deceased, as like them, I am, just passing.

[THE END]

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